Even though I’m almost 7 months post op for weight loss surgery I still find I struggle.

It actually makes me really angry; for example it happened yesterday.

What others eat doesn’t normally get to me but yesterday as everyone had sausage rolls I was eating two corn thins. I KNOW gross. Technically I can eat a sausage roll but I chose not to, it was tough on me because they seemed happy and loved the sausage roll and my corn thins were gross.

I’m still and most likely always will be controlled by food but I have choices and the help of this operation to say no.

After getting angry I decided to go for a 25 minute walk to calm down, probably not great to do in Australian Queensland heat in November! But it made me feel better and see how childish I’ve been.

I’m officially 96 kilos and 40 kilos lighter but I still feel so fat, even though I exercise regularly.

I try not to talk to friends about my weight loss because I’m worried that I’m making them feel bad even though they say they’re proud and what not. I don’t want to lose them so I try to keep it to myself.


I finally feel good.


Yesterday I hit my first goal weight. 100 kilos!

I was so happy to stand on the scales and read 100.I haven’t been at this weight in more than 5 years. And only 5 more kilos to my second goal weight.

I’m killing it.

Yesterday my new bicycle got delivered. I haven’t ridden since 2003 so i was a bit rusty. So rusty that i fell off the bike in my driveway. Haha. I have a bruised leg but I went into the backyard and rode around…in the end the bike is too tall so I shall be giving it to my sister and find another bike. I’m determined to ride my bike every afternoon.

I’ve had to stop exercising for a few days because my back,shoulder and chest hurt. I must have slept in a wrong position. Am I getting old?


Can I please get my brain fixed?

I wish there was an operation that would also fix my brain about eating.

I know I can’t physically eat so much now, but my brain still thinks it can and I over buy food, and if I’m alone I would have to throw it away. If my parents are around they hone in on the food and finish it for me.

Today I went to get my caffeine hit for the week and while out I went into woolworths and bought a summer sushi roll and vegetable dumplings.

Four months ago I could easily eat that plus more, but now it takes me longer to eat and a small amount. I managed to eat a few vegetable dumplings but it took me a while and I ran to the toilet a few times!

The thing with Gastric Sleeves is that afterwards you may not be able to stand certain foods and you kind of find out the hard way. You have to test everything.

My tummy can’t handle the following;

  • Pork
  • Duck
  • Puff Pastry
  • Hot chocolate
  • Spices
  • Butter chicken
  • pizza crust

A friend who has gone through the same thing said not to give up on those foods; because in a few months time I may be able to handle it.

My taste buds have also changed, these foods are what have changed;

  • Cottage cheese – so bland for me now
  • Apple and Orange juice
  • Pickles – No taste whatsoever and I loved pickles!
  • Greek yoghurt – I can handle that now than I could before
  • Custard – is too sugary for me now

So going shopping is still hard because I know I can technically have anything but it’s about eating healthy.

But a plus is when i go clothes shopping and can just go to a rack and get the size i need, instead of finding the plus sizes.



My new life.

Yes I am been MIA. And for good reason too.

I’ve been trying to sort the last 4 months out with my health.


On the 16th of May I underwent surgery for a gastric sleeve procedure.

It’s something that took me 2 years to think about and I decided it was the right decision. The day after myself and the family talked about it I booked in to see the specialist and everything started from there. I had 6 weeks to get everything done; tests, psychology appointments, dietitians, gastroscopy procedure, and a barium test (I will refuse to ever have another one!)

While going through the pre-op section I was doing it alone while my parents got in a 4 week cruise! Lucky for them. But I managed to get through it all and I felt so proud. If I can do this I can do the surgery and the post-op.

On the 16th of May 2016 at 12 pm my mum and I were driving to the hospital. I was a bundle of nerves! A part of me wanted to go home and just forget but I’ve come all this way; and let’s face it if I didn’t do something about my weight I may not live to see 30. I soldiered on. When I get nervous I tend to get crabby and I was taking it out on my mum and sister, God bless them.

My Surgery was at 1:30pm but it seemed that the doctors were behind and I finally got called to go in at 2:30pm. I changed and got on the operating bed. It’s really weird having to walk into the operating room. Everyone was so nice and encouraging. I was given a muscle relaxant and that’s the last thing I remember. Until i started to come round, I was in and out because the nurses were trying to feed me tablets most of the time.

Again I remember being rude to the first nurse; I felt so bad when i was told by my sister the next day. I was boiling when I was conscious. Around 11pm I was fully awake. I was in a bit of discomfort due to my hernia that they fixed up. But other than that I was great just groggy. I was up and moving to the toilet on my own.

I got a good night sleep! The next morning i was awake with tablets being put in my mouth, the nurse wanting me to shower, and them taking blood. I did at one point throw up my pain tablet, so they decided to give me it in the liquid form. I did physio 2-3 times a day and the next day before I was discharged.

Honestly I couldn’t wait to leave the hospital because the beds were uncomfortable and I wasn’t in my comfort zone. But I was also scared, I wouldn’t have nurses on hand to help me if I needed something. But I survived! I pretty much slept the first 2 days home. I learnt rather quickly not to try to hold number 2’s in.

Being on a fluid diet is not that great. I mainly had soups (drained), custard, yoghurt and ice blocks for two weeks. Then I had my first post-op check up he was happy with how things were going and then I went to the dietitian, she weighed me and I had at that point lost 7 kilos, I was so shocked! And I was approved to go onto soft foods. They were also all shocked to hear I wasn’t on pain medication when I was sent home, in fact I wasn’t given anything besides all the medications I had to take. But none for pain. it was the first time someone in 10 years had gone through like that.

That’s where my problems started. Unfortunately from that moment on I had started vomiting 3-6 times a day. I had no idea why it was happening, was it the food? Did i do something? Is it an infection? I was prescribed nausea medicine which helped for a good hour. After 4 weeks of this I decided to call up and get something done about this. So a week later I was in day surgery to get my sleeve stretched a little bit. Coming out of this round of anaesthetic was not great. I was vomiting and dizzy. But I over came that and was released and sent home. I fell asleep straight away once i landed on my bed. It took about another week for my vomiting to stop all together. You really have no idea how good that felt! Vomiting I can handle but nausea gets me down and I refuse to do anything.

From there on it was all good. I was eating food (maybe over doing it at times). I still have to slow down when I eat still but I am getting better.

3 weeks before the 3 month mark I had lost 30 kilos. And I honestly didn’t think i had. But the before and after pictures prove it. Sometimes I still don’t see it but that’s i think because I still see myself as the “fat” girl.

Besides my weight changing my personality has changed by gaining more confidence, I wear different type clothes (not hiding my weight) but showing the curves. I’m still trying to get into exercising. I’m a lot happier and I stand up tall and everyone can’t believe how happy i am.


As of now I’ve lost 32.8 kilos. My first goal weight is to get down to 96 kilos, only 6 more to go!

So that’s my story haha

I hope to keep blogging now that I’m in a better frame of mind.



On Tuesday of this week I managed to over-come a huge anxiety hurdle.

I was asked if I wanted to go see Cats the Musical and I was very indecisive for a good 20 minutes but I said “Why not?” and said yes to the tickets. I was a little nervous while I was getting and didn’t help that my Mum was calm and just folding the laundry.

I had been wanting to go to the theatre for some time but was too anxious. As usual my mind jumped to conclusions and told me what will most likely happen. But now I look back and I should have given anxiety the middle finger. Because in the end I was fine!

We got there an hour early and found a spot to wait for the doors to open and I sat calmly. In case I do ever get anxious in these sorts of situations I would go to the toilet and just play sudoku on my phone until I feel better. So I had that plan and I hoped I didn’t have to use it and I DIDN’T.

We were in row N for the show, all the way up the back looking down on the show. Great view but as we were waiting for the show to start I got a bit nauseas from looking down.

The show was amazing! Outstanding! It took my mind off my feelings of being anxious. Overall I had a good night and I’m glad I took the chance.


Feel free to follow me on instagram; justjustine91

I can now safely tick that off my achievements


Goals and Challenges


My name is Justine and I plan to do a lot this year.

I have set realistic goals for myself. Every year I set myself goals but they aren’t always reachable but this time with the help of my therapist I have set achievable goals.

  • Focus more on my mental health
  • Focus on physical health
  • Training for a marathon
  • Getting more photography gigs
  • Daily journal writing
  • Saving money for my holiday
  • Be Happy

(I’m sure I have more but I can’t think because I’m so tired!)

I hope everyone’s 2016 will be a great year!


So I’ve started a reading challenge


I discovered this while scrolling through pinterest and I loved the idea, I mean I love reading and I love books so this is right up my alley. I’ve already done one which is read a book in a day. I’ve also decided to start getting books from the again, and because it will save me money. And I have donated some of my books; it was a huge decision because I love collecting books but it’s all about the de-cluttering.



So I decided to buy this book; ‘Start Where You Are’ by Meera Lee Patel and I’m glad I did because it’s helping me so much. I don’t look at it ever day but once a week so I can add to it every time. I suggest everyone gets this.


And here are a few pictures that make me happy


I’m sorry…But I’m here now

I feel so bad for not writing here for a long time. But I’m sure not a lot of people don’t read this.

Things have been going well and things have been going bad.

A lot has happened since I last wrote on here in October.

Let’s start with my anxiety. It’s been going well with some hiccups in between. I managed to go on a small holiday with my mum and sister and it felt amazing to over come one step to feeling better about myself. I wasn’t nervous at all. I had an amazing time, I didn’t want to leave!

For some good news; I started studying again and it’s going really well. I will be finishing my Double diploma in Business Management and Leadership. I actually can’t wait to finish and start a good job!

I hope everyone had a good Christmas!
I on the other hand did not, I had a painful Christmas. On Christmas Eve (my Mum’s birthday) I was taken to the ER because I had some pain, I thought maybe it was just bad gas but OH NO. It was not. It’s what they call an appendagicitis/appengacitis. One of them. As the Doctor explained it’s the brother of the appendicitis and it sucks. Nothing can be done about it other than painkillers and rest for two weeks. Basically we have tissue fat hanging off our bowels and one of mine got twisted and died hence the pain and inflammation.  After six hours in the ER and an ultrasound and CT scan I was allowed to go home. So most of Christmas I was drowsy and out of it.  But now I’m feeling 99% better!

For some good news again; I finally upgrade my phone. Went from a Samsung to an iPhone and I miss my samsung really bad. It was easier to use and my baby. haha

Hope everyone has fun celebrating New Years Eve and please be safe.

I will try to blog more.




thoughts on improving my life

I’m the sort of person who starts something but half the time can never finish. Especially when it comes to health and fitness. The longest time for me thoroughly exercising is 5 months. But one setback and it all goes down.

The other day on my facebook a primary school friend had put a post up about how his gastric sleeve surgery that was done 6 months ago, and how he has lost 50 kilos, is exercising daily and eating healthy. It made me think back to when I actually wanted to get this done and now I’m thinking about it once again. He said that he is so much happier with himself as well.

Now I’ve done a lot of research, found my top four specialists in Brisbane and read thoroughly about the surgery. I mentioned to my Sister this and she said that she wished I had come to her sooner, that she is happy to help me an a consultant with a doctor. People have been mentioning to me that I actually have to still eat properly and exercise; I guess they think I will get it done so I can eat anything – which isn’t true. Firstly it’s hard to eat heaps, secondly I will use this to get active and live longer.

If anyone has had this type of surgery done, I would love to hear about it and what you personally think about it.


Purchasing some happiness

I have recently purchased a creative book called ‘How to be happy (or at least less sad)’ by Lee Crutchley.

I think at the time when I was purchasing it I was going through a rough patch and I thought ‘yes this will help’, I didn’t even bother looking at it for two weeks. And I’m glad I did!  Inside there are many activities that will make you think really hard but at the same time it will open your eyes. I’ve gone through and just done a few as of today and I don’t want to rush it.

Below are some pictures of what you can expect in the book;


being-present-in-life how-to-be-happy1-web

I would recommend this to everyone.

And if anyone knows about similar books like this, I would love to know about them!!!!

A quick book review

I finished ‘I woke up in the future’ by Naomi Jacobs today.

What a marvellous read!

I didn’t want it to end,I wanted to know every ity bity detail. I guess you know it’s a good book when you feel like that.

She is an amazing woman and getting through it all is a huge inspiration. I would highly recommend this book to everyone. it puts everything in perspective.

9/10 I would give it.


So get out to the book store or library and get a copy!

Now I’m on to a new book..something a little different. Actually a lot different.

It’s called ‘The mammoth book of the best of best new erotica’, and yes I also assume it’s about sex and fantasies. I normally wouldn’t read a book like this but I’m trying to get into reading all types of books. And why not a little bit of cheekiness?  I will let you all know how it goes, hopefully I’ll be able to get through it.

Speaking of books; last week I managed to go through my huge huge huge book collection (300+ books) and picked ones out that I’m happy or that I NEED to sell. It took me a while and I felt a bit sad – I just love books. But I have to make room for my new books that will be coming in the future. I kind of felt like I was selling a child..

That’s all for now folks!